A shy child is not necessarily an introvert. There are many kids who love socialising and making friends, but struggle because of shyness.
Your Wallflower can Bloom
My child is so shy. What can I do to make her more confident?
I am always a little amused when I hear parents say this. I remember being quite shy as a kid and even now this completely irrational emotion grips me at times.
But what exactly is shyness? Let’s try and understand it.
Shyness needn't necessarily stem from low self-esteem. I meet a lot of shy kids who feel good about themselves in areas like dance, music, football but still struggle socially.
Shy kids are a little more anxious or inhibited in social situations, but that anxiety does not stem from an anxious temperament. n A shy child is not necessarily an introvert. There are many kids who love socialising and making friends, but struggle because of shyness.
Some children are only shy in certain situations or with certain people.
Coaching for Confidence
Accept. Respect your child’s temperament. Dont push her in social situations if she isnt comfortable. Forcing your child to sing a song or dance at get-togethers is a complete no-no.
Talk about shyness. Be empathetic and try to find out what is bothering her. An 8-year-old recently told me that she knows shyness as the feeling when she finds it difficult to look people in the eye, her voice gets stuck in her throat and she wants to just vanish!
Pit shyness against confidence. Explain to your kid that shyness is in the head, not a reality. So every time she hears the shy voice: If Help your child overcome her shyness. I speak up in class, everybody will laugh at me; I cannot sing in front of everybody, she could counter it with the voice of confidence: I will speak up in class without fear and nobody will laugh at me; I can sing in front of everybody as I have a beautiful voice.
Play it out. Make a confidence scale with 0 being low and 10 being high confidence and ask your child to rate herself on it. If she says she is at level 3, ask her where she would like to see herself and then ask her to act it out.
Alternatively, ask her to close her eyes and visualise a situation. Support her act as if or visualisation with,
How would you walk
What would your voice be like
What would the confidence mantra in your head be
Research in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has indicated that act as if and visualisation can help in building confidence and learning new skills.
Make the exposure gradual. Depending on her age, gently start pushing her out of her comfort zone and introduce new situations to let her test her new skills.
Take her out shopping where she interacts at the counter, let her place the order at a restaurant, enrol her in a theatre workshop, let her approach new kids at the playground.
Take one step at a time in building life skills that will help her gain confidence and show the world how brilliant she can be.
Reproduced From Prevention. © 2012. LMIL. All rights reserved.
My child is so shy. What can I do to make her more confident?
I am always a little amused when I hear parents say this. I remember being quite shy as a kid and even now this completely irrational emotion grips me at times.
But what exactly is shyness? Let’s try and understand it.
Shyness needn't necessarily stem from low self-esteem. I meet a lot of shy kids who feel good about themselves in areas like dance, music, football but still struggle socially.
Shy kids are a little more anxious or inhibited in social situations, but that anxiety does not stem from an anxious temperament. n A shy child is not necessarily an introvert. There are many kids who love socialising and making friends, but struggle because of shyness.
Some children are only shy in certain situations or with certain people.
Coaching for Confidence
Accept. Respect your child’s temperament. Dont push her in social situations if she isnt comfortable. Forcing your child to sing a song or dance at get-togethers is a complete no-no.
Talk about shyness. Be empathetic and try to find out what is bothering her. An 8-year-old recently told me that she knows shyness as the feeling when she finds it difficult to look people in the eye, her voice gets stuck in her throat and she wants to just vanish!
Pit shyness against confidence. Explain to your kid that shyness is in the head, not a reality. So every time she hears the shy voice: If Help your child overcome her shyness. I speak up in class, everybody will laugh at me; I cannot sing in front of everybody, she could counter it with the voice of confidence: I will speak up in class without fear and nobody will laugh at me; I can sing in front of everybody as I have a beautiful voice.
Play it out. Make a confidence scale with 0 being low and 10 being high confidence and ask your child to rate herself on it. If she says she is at level 3, ask her where she would like to see herself and then ask her to act it out.
Alternatively, ask her to close her eyes and visualise a situation. Support her act as if or visualisation with,
How would you walk
What would your voice be like
What would the confidence mantra in your head be
Research in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has indicated that act as if and visualisation can help in building confidence and learning new skills.
Make the exposure gradual. Depending on her age, gently start pushing her out of her comfort zone and introduce new situations to let her test her new skills.
Take her out shopping where she interacts at the counter, let her place the order at a restaurant, enrol her in a theatre workshop, let her approach new kids at the playground.
Take one step at a time in building life skills that will help her gain confidence and show the world how brilliant she can be.
Reproduced From Prevention. © 2012. LMIL. All rights reserved.
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